We can either live out the dreams that we made or we die with it, living out a life of circumstances.
That was the message that left a deep impression on me during one of the workshops of the M2 conference.
It might as well have been an excuse for me to pursue what had been in me all this while - Music. Singing.
When you’re kid, growing up with a musical inclination is much to the dismay of traditional parents. I remember I could play out tunes with one finger on a pianica (my goodness, does that still exist?) just by hearing. Of course, the accuracy is not there. I kept hitting the wrong notes & going back & forth a couple of times to get it right but I get the gist of the melody. As it turns out, I’ve caused undue noise pollution to the household.
I also started singing. I experimented with singing techiques by imitating artistes. And I sing loudly, at least, within the 4 unit stretch of the corridor, I was. I spent copious amounts of time in the bathroom singing, just because the resonance was the closest I could get to having a microphone in hand.
Suffice it to say, I was told to shut up. All the time.
Then you get people telling you all the time that being a singer won’t bring you any dough. There is no point pursuing that dream.
Oh, I had wanted to be a singer. I dreamt of going on stage to become one of the contestants to vie to be the best singer. I participated in small time competition & with this standard that I have, I managed to come in 2nd twice. But that is only because the rest of them are seriously crap.
I also went to those talent management companies for auditions after auditions but because I didn’t have enough in me naturally, I was told to sign up for enrichment courses to improve my technique & my stage skills. Never did go. Never had time & cash strapped.
And if you had been following my blog for a long time, you would know that I participated in Project Superstar, the local, chinese version of the Idol franchises. But I got such cold feet that I couldn’t even sing a line properly. It was the first time I got buzzed without even completing the first stanza of the song during the audition; the most disappointing one in my life. It wasn’t even about the humiliation; it was about not being able to give my best shot.
Being a singer is more than just singing. One has to be able to engage the audience. I only like to sing. I don’t know how to entertain. If I could be a recording artiste, so I just sing without having to face anyone. But as far as I know, there is no career path like that. And I don’t like to compete. Yes, I seek to improve my skills but no, I don’t like the feeling of competition. What would I be trying to prove? So even if I am good enough to win, what then? There will always be someone better.
Music soothes yet energises me. I know I only know how to sing. I have forgotten how to read notes, I have forgotten how to strum a guitar & I know nuts about music in general. But heck, it energises me & makes me happy. Especially singing together with musicians is just extremely gratifying. That is, of course, when they have gotten it right (does anyone want to smack me? ;p). If that was a good vocal day, singing well is doubly gratifying.
Now, I just want to pursue music. Pursue vocal training. Learn different instruments. Learn music composition. Give vocal training, maybe. Give back to God. Do something that would make me happy. Do something that I know I am at least kinda good at.
At the workshop, I was reminded that God can fulfill our dreams. We can dream big & expect that He will give. Whatever it is, I find there is no harm in pursuing. Unless it is so wrong in the direction that God wants me to be, otherwise, I will be courageous & go for it. I am going to work towards pursuing the dream that I thought would be a lost cause.
Even if I’ve hit & missed, I’m sure something else close will come up for me & it will be something great.
Better than if I didn’t even try. 
Later.
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