彩虹下的约定 (Promise Beneath the Rainbow)

我空虛的心靈    終於不再流淚
期待著雨後    繽紛的彩虹
訴說你我的約定   

我不安的腳步    終於可以停歇
主你已為我    擺設了生命的盛宴
與你有約    是永恆的約
彩虹為證    千古不變
我要高歌    為生命喜悅
萬物歌頌你的慈愛    大地訴說你的恩典

My lonely heart   Can finally stop tearing

Looking forward to the colorful rainbow after the rain

That says of Your promise

 

My restless footsteps    Can finally be at rest

Lord You have set up for me the feast of my life

 

A date made with You     An eternal date

Rainbow will be my witness    Never changing

I want to sing    Rejoicing this life

All creation will sing of Your great love

The earth will speak of Your grace

Ministry of Music

If you still recall, sometime ago I was in search of answers for how being in the worship ministry could be meaningful.

That is really a presumptuous statement because even in the bible, the music ministry seemed to be rather important, whether Old or New Testament. So, of course it is meaningful.

But for personal benefit, I needed to know so that I can serve more meaningfully instead of being focussed on my selfish ass.

I wrote to my pastor, who was really busy to give me a proper reply. We chatted briefly about it sometime, then I went on stage to sing & further became involved in other singing projects in church.

This is what I found out:

Songs can really minister to a person’s soul in very simple ways. Lyrics are phrased simply so they can remembered easily. Bible verses or concepts can therefore be more easily remembered. Coupled with catchy melodies, the song can linger in the mind for a long time.

I have found that certain songs play in my mind depending on which mood I am in. There are even some songs that serves to lift me up when I feel discouraged.

My recent stint with the Chinese Outreach Ministry, teaching the folks how to sing this song proved this point very much. My prayer that this song will be remembered by them & uplift them had in fact being ministered to myself.

Last Friday was one of the worst days I had & in my discouragement, I thought of this song & I am being reminded to be joyful always. Here, I will share the lyrics with loose translation:

<我要常常喜乐 ~ 赞美之泉 (I Want to Be Joyful Always)>
 
疲乏的   他赐能力    软弱的   他加力量

He gives energy to the tired     He gives strength to the weak  
那等候耶和华的 必重新得力   

Those who wait upon Jehovah    Will surely regain their strength

就必如鹰展翅上腾

Just like the eagle that soars
奔跑却不困倦    行走却  不疲乏

Run but does not get weary    Walk but does not tire
大山  可以挪开    小山 可以迁移

Big mountains can be shifted     Hills can be moved
主的慈爱永不离    这是他与我的约定

The Lord’s great love will not depart me    This is His promise for me
我带着信心倚靠我主    经历他的救赎

I lean on my God with confidence    Experiencing His redeeming love
奔向他 的道路

Running towards His direction

常常喜乐,我要常常喜乐

Always joyful    I want to always be joyful
应当一无挂虑    凡事藉着祷告祈求和感谢

There should be no anxiety    In everything with prayer, supplication & thanksgiving
神所赐那出人意外的平安

The amazing peace that God gives
必在基督耶稣里保守我的一切

In Jesus who takes care of my every need
常常喜乐,我要常常喜乐

Always joyful    I want to always be joyful

应当一无挂虑    凡事藉着祷告祈求和感谢

There should be no anxiety    In everything with prayer, supplication & thanksgiving
神所赐那出人意外的平安

The amazing peace that God gives

必在基督耶稣里保守我的一切

In Jesus who takes care of my every need

Later.

“Are You Seeing Anyone?”

This question was posed to me recently. My reply to that question?

“Um, no. I don’t know who to see.”

And in case people have this notion that being single for so long could indirectly indicate that I am a lesbian, I’m sorry to disappoint those people, I am not (no offense to gays, though).

The truth is, really, who do I see? After so long, it seems as if there isn’t anyone to look forward to anymore. I don’t even know if I want to be married at this point yet.

In case also if anyone is wondering, joining this church is not for wanting to be hitched too. The guys in my church are either married or attached or teenagers. I can’t be involved with non-christian either. There was talk of ‘outsourcing’ (clever term… hahaha!), but I don’t think I want to coerce someone who doesn’t want to know the Lord to be a christian just so that we can be together. 

After all, I have seen many such things with my friends & it has never ended well.   

Yeah, I do feel the occasional loneliness but that’s just because I crave for the attention & pampering from a loved one.

Yeah, at times I do feel I need a shoulder to lean on, but then it is only for that moment.

All that is only for but a moment.

To find a boyfriend simply to assuage these moments doesn’t sound fair to that other person.

I’m not saying this because I’m tasting the sour grapes of singledom. On the bright side, I really am enjoying the freedom of being single at the moment.

Quite a number of married people I know have expressed their envy for the single life. Being tied down with children is one thing. Being accountable to their partners is another. Plus having to live with someone who was brought up very likely way different from you, having to learn all those quirks & habits might itself take a frustrating few years.

I’m not bashing married life; I’m just saying both have their good & bad.  

Being single means I can go anywhere I like without having to tell anybody. It means I can wake up late without worrying if my partner or my kids are being fed or taken care of. I can go mountain climbing, travelling, trekking, shopping, movies & hang out really late without having to worry about what will happen to the family. I can be as involved in church as I possibly can.

I still long to be married. To have someone to grow old with & to serve God with is still something I look forward to. But until I decide that I am ready to be married, I think I will enjoy the single life while I can.

Later.

Simple Prayers

Sometimes perhaps the best prayers are not the perfectly worded prayers but a simple word of thanksgiving for even the simplest things in our lives might suffice. For example:

~ For the rain that came down during a hot humid day;

~ For the discipline that He has brought on my life;

~ For the comfort & assurance that He will be there to personally guide us;

~ For the child that gave a peck on the cheek;

~ For the people that He has brought in my life;

~ For the mercy that He has given to us;

~ For the desire to be close to us even when we don’t deserve it.

There are countless more. If you can add more, pls go ahead. Show Your appreciation to the Lord.

Aiyo

Aiyo.

I felt today’s singing was bad. My presentation of Worthy is the Lamb started off kind of ok. But somehow, don’t know why, I was trembling terribly. Maybe a little bit emo because I felt a lot for the song & really wanted to bring the song out to the congregation.

By the time it got to chorus, I was not projecting my voice. It sounded more like I was shouting. Aiyo.

*slaps head*

Later.

__________________

<Worthy is the Lamb>

Thank you for the cross Lord

Thank you for the price You paid

Bearing all my shame   In love You came

And gave amazing grace

 

Thank you for this love Lord

Thank you for the nail pierced hands

Washed me in Your cleansing flow

Now all I know Your forgiveness & embrace

 

Worthy is the Lamb    Seated on the throne

Crown You now with many crowns    You reign victorious

 

High & lifted up    Jesus Son of God

The Darling of Heaven crucified

 

Worthy is the Lamb

Worthy is the Lamb

Internal Conversations

If the internal conversation that I had earlier was to be trusted, then I think I got rebuked by God & yet at the same time, got some assurance over some issues.

Which was a good thing. Rebuke is better than silence. I may not like it at times but I value it more. Discipline in the Lord is better than wilfulness & self-sufficiency.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I may not know You very well, but I know you well enough to know that there things I do that are not pleasing to You.

I may not be Your best child, but I pray that You will make me one. I may not know all Your ways but I pray that You will be kind to show what You will to me.

Let me get close to Your heart so that I may not assume Your will & plans for me. Guide me with Your Word for it is a lamp to my feet. Teach me & lead me in the way that will be pleasing to You. Use me how You want to for I am here. May I be the one You can trust for it is a great privilege to be used by You.

In Jesus’ mighty name,

Amen.

Callaphobia

I didn’t know there was a word to describe my ‘disease’ until weeks ago, a friend used this word. I looked it up & found out I am not alone!

Merriam Webster’s definition:

1. Function: noun

   Definition: a fear of making calls Example Sentence: She has callaphobia.

However, the very popular Dictionary.com doesn’t have this word on the list.

Unless necessary or with an extremely close friend, all calls will take only 5 min or less. Why? Just don’t feel comfortable & not very capable of holding on to a conversation with someone not too close, verbal constipation & all.

It’s no wonder I’m socially inept.

It’s weird like that but when you have a name for it, somehow, it just feels more grounded. LOL.

Later.

But once the decision is being made, there is actually tremendous amount of freedom.

I am relieved. No blame. No anger. Not upset anymore.

Later.

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I went up the bridges again & finally completed one way. We passed the Kent Ridge & wanted to go further but um… lost our way. LOL. End up in Pasir Panjang. But it was really good.

Hopefully practises next 2 weeks will be in the afternoon so I can sneak some time up.

______________

Why does studying music + theology  require a degree too?! Why?!

______________

Supposed to be doing my BSF homework but very distracted looking at information sent by some friends on Mt Kinabalu.

If nothing goes wrong, next year we will conquer that mountain.

Later.