“Are You Seeing Anyone?”

This question was posed to me recently. My reply to that question?

“Um, no. I don’t know who to see.”

And in case people have this notion that being single for so long could indirectly indicate that I am a lesbian, I’m sorry to disappoint those people, I am not (no offense to gays, though).

The truth is, really, who do I see? After so long, it seems as if there isn’t anyone to look forward to anymore. I don’t even know if I want to be married at this point yet.

In case also if anyone is wondering, joining this church is not for wanting to be hitched too. The guys in my church are either married or attached or teenagers. I can’t be involved with non-christian either. There was talk of ‘outsourcing’ (clever term… hahaha!), but I don’t think I want to coerce someone who doesn’t want to know the Lord to be a christian just so that we can be together. 

After all, I have seen many such things with my friends & it has never ended well.   

Yeah, I do feel the occasional loneliness but that’s just because I crave for the attention & pampering from a loved one.

Yeah, at times I do feel I need a shoulder to lean on, but then it is only for that moment.

All that is only for but a moment.

To find a boyfriend simply to assuage these moments doesn’t sound fair to that other person.

I’m not saying this because I’m tasting the sour grapes of singledom. On the bright side, I really am enjoying the freedom of being single at the moment.

Quite a number of married people I know have expressed their envy for the single life. Being tied down with children is one thing. Being accountable to their partners is another. Plus having to live with someone who was brought up very likely way different from you, having to learn all those quirks & habits might itself take a frustrating few years.

I’m not bashing married life; I’m just saying both have their good & bad.  

Being single means I can go anywhere I like without having to tell anybody. It means I can wake up late without worrying if my partner or my kids are being fed or taken care of. I can go mountain climbing, travelling, trekking, shopping, movies & hang out really late without having to worry about what will happen to the family. I can be as involved in church as I possibly can.

I still long to be married. To have someone to grow old with & to serve God with is still something I look forward to. But until I decide that I am ready to be married, I think I will enjoy the single life while I can.

Later.

~ by fayea on July 5, 2009.