Looking Up
The sky was rumbling & greyish as I wake to the world, the temperature was just nice for one to snuggle under covers.
I wish it were Saturday.
I don’t think I will have a problem going to temperate countries. People talk about Seasonal Affective Disorders. I think I will ONLY become normal in this weather. Born in the wrong country, I always say.
Things are looking up. Indeed, I have no reason to feel down. NO REASON. Absolutely. I guess I was just trying to find a balance between aggressiveness & assertiveness.
And I sort of threw myself off balance. Myself. Ever heard of the saying ‘you are own worst enemy’. It’s extremely true for me. I attack myself even before anyone could. I think that actually lessens the pain of having someone else hurt me.
Ooh. I am so masochistic.
I’m just really unsure about where I stand with people I consider friends & I feel really foolish now having embarrassed myself with my emotional upheavals.
I am glad to say that it’s over. I know it. Whether it’ll come back or not, I wouldn’t know. I pray it’ll be away longer & when it does come back, it will go away faster.
I have been given many affirmations lately which led me to recall that I’m not as lousy as I thought I am. And though the people I am hanging out with now may seem out of my league, I think they don’t mind my status & my occasional ‘blondeness’.
Disclaimers, or whatever you may call it, is always good when necessary. So I’m not going to stop dispensing them. I will stop giving them for unimportant ones.
Focus. Just follow. That one light under my feet & take each step as it comes.
Later.
Having been in MAdrid for about 11 weeks and having enjoyed sunny or mostly sunny days for 9 of those weeks (without humidity), I can say the sun is a wonderful friend. I feel more cheerful when the sun is about. Of course, I also think the walking helps – sitting inside, looking out the window doesn’t really cut it for me. I think I wasted a lot fo my life being indoors (whether school or work – work mostly, school never kept you the whole day inside).
This past Tuesday, I was out walking and it was partly cloudy. I could feel my mood swing between feeling irrationaly joyful when the sun was warming my cheek and feeling empty when the clouds hid the sun.
the weird thing is, when it’s dark & gloomy, I feel like getting dressed & go out. When it starts to drizzle, even better. I feel a lot more energetic on a rainy day… Although in the morning, it’s good for snuggling under covers. :p
Everyone is different. When talking about people in general, erm … you have to generalize.
When I was younger, I used to love snowstorms. Go out and walk in them – especially if there was a strong wind. Now … I’m older and don’t really look forward to the cold any more. Can’t stand rain though. I hate getting wet. Actually, I hate hot humid weather too.